yea.. so it was one of mark's friend's playing a prank.It freaked him out at first too.damnit.stupid boys.stupid sore throat. I'm convinced that Orange Juice is evil. I drank a lot of orange juice this weekend to prevent getting sick... and now... I'm sick.CONPIRACY!!!!!Mom and Dad are gone till wednesday... anyone wanna drive around in the Caddy?*MB*

do you ever have trouble deciding whats real?After working an overnight... I woke up this afternoon after only 4 hours of sleep... I checked some messages on Mark's phone... and I SWEAR on anything that one of the messages was from the police asking where he was on the night of the 23rd of july... and they want to ask him some questions about a prostitution ring.I'm dead serious. I think. I really don't think i was asleep.. I think it was real.But the guy on the phone was mispronouncing mark's last name.I'm honestly really scared now.What the hell is going on. Does mark lead some kind of double life where he is a mad pimp or something?Yea right...push over mark.But... you never know.. because in TV movies it's always the guy you would NEVER suspect right?Anywhooo.. I'm a little confused.An update on friday... if things weren't bad enough...Shawn slept in and we didn't get on the road till noon. Contruction held us back. and we got lost on the island. We got into the concert around 3:30. Guess what time Simple Plan played?? 2:15.Ugh.I was upset.BUT.... bowling for soup was amazing... so it made up for it i guess.I'm really looking forward to London. I really hope Sacasia can go.Oh.. I met the new overnight girl tonight.She's no Mootard I'll tell you that.I haven't heard her yet... but she seemed friendly. She came in and introduced herself.but.. evil evil.Day off tomorrow. sleep will be mine.Parents are leaving for 3 days... house quiet..dog = possible pain in the butt.*MB*

you stupid fucker.i am so pissed right now.in 24 hours the warped tour will almost be over in montreal.And where will I be? I hope not here sitting on the couch... because if I am.. you will NEVER hear from me again.I'm going... with or without you.I hate playing the waiting game. Why did we trust you so much.I've decided.... if he doesn't show.. I am kidnapping Vicky.. whether she likes it or not.And I think we should kidnap jason too... kicking and screaming all the way to montreal.I'm going to feel really bad if something bad happened to him.But if nothing did and he's just partying somewhere... ooooh phone ringing....No. not for me.damnit damnit damnit damnit damnitthis really fucking sucks. I've been working for almost am onth straight just waiting for tomorrow. I've been planning this for almost 3 months.I WANTED A DAMN VACATION... even it was one day.more as the night goes on...or not...*MB*

one more full day of work until I'm outtttttaaaa here.Montreal here I come... well I guess more like just warped tour here I come.Should be fun... kinda.I'm really gonna miss vicky.I hate that I'm the only girl... so any girlie urges will have to be subdued.Sad/happy news at work... could be good for me. Or things could just stay the same.I think that if things don't pan out.. I'm going to take a nice vacation when ratings start. Go visit my aunt... go somewhere. I love leaving Ottawa.I get to spend the weekend with my kittie. Mark is going home... so I'm taking his apartment. I'm going to see him tonight to get the keys. and yes... I am a little scared. Can you blame me?Anyone want to go to London on August 16? I'm in the mood to see some amazing bands.

I hate that I think about you everyday. and I hate that you're not calling me.I hate that I still love you so much. I hate that everything hurts so bad right now.I hate that I still smile and try not to think about you.I hate pretending that this never happened.I want things to be good again.I want to know what you're thinking at this moment.I hate that the whole house is always so dark.I hate that I still hide in my roomI really hate being alone all the time.I rarely see people outside of work.Could you please just pick up the phone and tell me about your life. the life that was once ours.... can we get through this?I love you. but i hate you.and i miss youjust one more day... or maybe i'll just wait some more.*MB*

Went out tonight. nice. Took the night off... sweet.Saw some friends. Rehashed some old memories.... ahhh. The past. MY past. OUR past. the way we look at each other.Why is it that when a relationship goes sour we always go back to the one that got away... THE one.Spent the day with an old friend... discussing who has either died or had children... because no one has got a career worth talking about and no one has gotten married. Sad.I found out about a death that just shocked me... she waso ne the happiest people I ever met. She was 2 years older... was just so full of like... loved to party.. and sad enough thats what killed her.what a day.bedtime... I'm boring.oh and... thanks for calling when you said you would asshole. you're killing me here.*MB*

i don't think i'm a morning person. I like being here but getting up is so damn hard.my head feels like it's going to explode. and I feel really dizzy.kudos go out to all morning show people... anyone involved in being happy at 5am.*MB*

The name of Jenn creates an overly-sensitive nature which causes you to sense and feel far more than you can understand or put into words. You have a deep, artistic, and creative side which shows through a love for music and literature. Writing is a more natural mode of expression for your deeper thoughts and feelings than the spoken word. You have an ability to concentrate and work intently on anything which holds your interest. However, you prefer to avoid routine, monotony, and mental tasks. You enjoy the out-of-doors and find your greatest peace and relaxation from the beauty and harmony of nature. You prefer to limit your friendships and associations to those who share your interests and appreciate your quiet, refined ways. Others often find it difficult to understand you. Your feelings tend to build up within you and, if you cannot release them through a creative, constructive channel, you could suffer with frustration, moods, and much inner turmoil. This name causes tension in the region of the solar plexus, as well as the heart and lungs. Health problems would centre in those areas of the body. go here for yours: http://www.kabalarians.com/

435am.... only 3 hours left to go.I know how julia is feeling but why oh why did I offer to be so nice....I'm fucking tired.I want my bed.I want to write about how everything went down on thursday night... but I just can't.I'm so angry and hurt. All my fears came true.How could I be so stupid.It really has to be over now.. I can't keep running back to someone who is ashamed and such a wimp.I never pushed him around... but maybe I should have.. maybe thats what he likes... to BE controlled.I'll never understand what I really did.... to make so many bad things happen.I know that this is my fault... for even seeing him again.I don't want it to end... but I just can't feel this way anymore.Maybe someday we'll meet again... and things will be different.I want to put all my pain and anger towards one person... but I know it would be the wrong one. there is only one person to blame for my anger and it's not me... and its not the idiot in the women's fur coat... oh no.what gets me is he thinks I'm overreacting.....this just plain SUCKS ass.ok... 1 ..... 2 ..... 3.... Something good happen to me......nope.*MB*

So much to say... but not quite sure how to say it.Got my hair cut and layered today... time for change said Igone from hair that went almost all the way down my back to barely shoulder length.... I now ALMOST look my age. Mark called last night... we're getting together tonioght for dinner... not quite sure how to take this. I'm absolutely terrified. I'm so scared of getting hurt.Went shopping... bought more than $100 on clothes... when in my life have I EVER been able to do that?? NEVEr. not once.Bought a nice black skirt for the funeral tomorrow.Funeral... ahh yes... I haven't written.Shocking. Noah (the most amazing person I know) had a loss. His mother passed away on monday.I spoke with him and he actually apologized for not being himself... I wanted to slap him ,lovingly of course. It was so sad to hear a voice that just wasn't what I was used to.I picked up flowers for it today. Beautiful arrangement with roses and daisies. Each day gets more busy... I'm finding new ways to occupy my time.I want my license.... so I can drive away sometimes.*MB*(my transitions are horrible)

I stole this... muah.If I were a month I would be: MayIf I were a day of the week I would be: FridayIf I were a time of day I would be: 9:30If I were a planet I would be: pluto.. so distant. (so tempted to say uranus)If I were a sea animal I would be: blow fishIf I were a direction I would be: South WestIf I were a piece of furniture I would be: comfy bowl chairIf I were a sin I would be: gluttonyIf I were an historical figure I would be: Joan of arc .. all crazy likeIf I were a liquid I would be: blue juiceIf I were a stone, I would be: a ruby.. there's no place like homeIf I were a tree, I would be: shrub.. not tall enough to be a treeIf I were a bird, I would be: a peacockIf I were a tool, I would be: a handsawIf I were a flower/plant, I would be: a daisyIf I were a kind of weather, I would be: unpredictableIf I were a mythical creature:a unicorn... hrmm... no idea.If I were a musical instrument: a saxaphoneIf I were an animal, I would be: a chinchilla.. so damn cuteIf I were a color, I would be: silverIf I were a vegetable, I would be: brocoliIf I were a sound, I would be: music... soothing saxIf I were an element, I would be: hydrogenIf I were a song, I would be: EvaporatedIf I were a movie, I would be directed by: Sofia CoppolaIf I were a book, I would be written by: Douglas CouplandIf I were a food, I would be: blueberry danishIf I were a place, I would be: Ottawa (full of hot air)If I were a material, I would be: cordoroyIf I were a scent, I would be: lavender... bah... i have no idea.If I were a religion, I would be: nothingIf I were a word, I would be: manicIf I were an object, I would be: a bookIf I were a body part I would be: an eyeIf I were a facial expression I would be: poutyIf I were a subject in school I would be: mediaIf I were a cartoon character I would be: Strong bad.. muah.If I were a shape I would be a: square.. totally.If I were a number I would be: 13If I were a letter I would be: J

my dad is great.. he means so well... its just too bad a simple lunch hour can cause so much more stress.I think i need to take a week off in August... my hands are starting to shake.I'm going to lose my mind.

Your New Beetle GLX 1.8L 2dr Hatchback 1.8L 150hp 4-cylinder turbo Base MSRP $30,200 Engine: 1.8L I-4 DOHC SMPI Turbo STD Transmission: 4-Speed Automatic $1,100 Tires: P225/45R17 H AS STD Wheels: 7J x 17" Alloy STD Heated Front Bucket Seats STD Perforated Leather Seating Surfaces STD Monotone Paint Application STD Radio: AM/FM Cassette Stereo Sound System STD Destination charge $555 Total MSRP*: $31,855 I want this. and i want to start leasing this by October. Gotta save at LEAST $2000 for it.So instead of rent I'll be paying for a car every month.So I guess this means I need to get my license. might be a good idea.*MB*

worst feeling in the world = waiting for someone to call that you know has no intention of doing so.

i'm doing it... I did up a newscast tonight... now i just need to record it.this has been the best overnight so far in a long time.... and all because it started out right.Shawn came in along with virginia, luke and chris wyss.... played some wonderful George michael - faith. Danced like fools and laughed our asses off.it was silly fun.. felt like a party at work.. or something.meaningful comments were made. and I'm so glad i have support... but i just don't know what to do. other people are so confident that i will be fine... but i need to think on my own about this one.I need him to tell me what the hell is going on.I hate this so much.career focus... career focus... career focus.*MB*

how the hell does seeing each other only once a week make it a fucking healthy relationship.I'm not your sleepover buddy.I'm not some call girl.I feel like I'm in a custody battle between me and Dave over mark.I'm not going to fight for this anymore.I'm starting to feel like its just not worth it.I fucking hate the world today... happy god damned friday.

for some reason I just felt like doing the good ole update...although nothing much has changed.Living at home has its perks.... so far not so bad.my dad is spoiling me... which i believe is only because he's glad to have me back for now and because he saw me in a really bad place a couple weeks ago... i looked like absolute shit for quite a few days.Something that I'm really starting to get sick of is people asking me how things are with mark... because i just don't know what to say. I work EVERY day... I have seen him twice since I moved...I really don't know how things are. I guess I haven't had too much time to sit and dwell. I don't know what it is between us... I wish I did but I don't think either of us know... which sucks.I went away this weekend to a party with everyone i hung out with in high school (along with a couple newbies)It is so amazing to get back together with these people and find that not much has changed and we're still the best of friends. i know that if i ever needed any one of them they would be there in a second. and I'm not kidding about EVERYONE being there. from grade 9 until almost OAC we had our own little group... Me, bryna, tara, liam, helena, neil, jay, bob, wade, dave, jim, derek, mark, mark, mike, pete and melissa (until grade11) and everyone minus melissa came out to merickville.it's been 4 years since high school finished for us and we all still keep in touch. it just made me feel so good... and made me think a lot about the past.I sat and had the longest talk with mike... and I ended up apologizing for the stupid things I did to him... I hate the way our relationship ended. He will always be the "the one that got away"... and I will always think about him no matter what. its pure cheese happening right now... but meh... my journal.. fuck you.mike was my first love... and every time a relationship goes badly he is the first person i think of. so saturday night was nice to see him. we each had our own separate matresses on the floor and we stayed up all hours giggling like kids... and pillow fighting. I just wanted to hug him.I know (i think) i would never want another relationship with him because my path is going to be very different. and socially we are different... he's too outgoing and I'd rather stay home and relax after work. I'm not a fan of the clubs.. I'd rather go to a show. well enough blabbering about that (him)Other than that I realized how shallow some people are.. but again.. no one really changed.And it seems that any liam and jenn conflict there once was.. is now gone... well... yea i guess.I'm looking forward to the next party when we all get together like that. Other than that... umm.. worked worked... umm... went to the chocolate factory... worked ...uhm...still haven't gotten unpacked and organized.ooh... got a cell phone.. its my new toy... and guess who was my first caller...Jason! hurrah!yup.bed now.. work 9 hours tomorrow...wooooooooooooooo*MB*

You're a consumer whore! And how! which rejected character are you? brought to you by QuizillaI won't deny it... money= me buying stuff.If you haven't seen this short film... check it out. its weird but funny as all hell.You're "Whats her face". You love baggypants, Avril Lavigne, and softball. You're thepity friend of the group, and don't have anyreal friends-even Thomas the Alien doesn't likeyou. You enjoy pillow fights at sleepovers andjust might be a lesbian. Which Member of Teen Girl Squad are you? brought to you by Quizilla

no matter how i feel about working 7 days a week.. i still...LOVE MY JOB.its canada day.. I'm downtown.... its air conditioned.... I'm getting paid time and 1/2. I'm listening to amazing music and working with good people. (thank god/bob for certain people leaving)I'm so happy with my room at my parents... everything is where I want it. I bought a VCR and my sister brought back my TV... I'm so set. Renovations on the hosue start this week too... thermo tub coming my way.Life is good... and getting better.*MB*

explain to me HOW a moth gets into an air-tight studio. YUCK.I'm jenn... master of the moth killing... or shooing away for now.I don't like flying bugs.. they're not easy to kill.looking forward to my alcoholic slushies with cool people tonight.*MB*